Tuesday Morning (ha!) Press #15 — It’s Not “iTouch,” YOLO, Would-Be Shoplifter


Too much already in my head to start with.

I love my kids.

Wait for it….

But, it’s time for school to start again. Let me explain: in our burg, the kids get 2 days off from school for the end of the quarter so the teachers can get their grades in. That has meant for a very long weekend. I’ve been sick… the trifection is finally going away. I’m ready for the boys to go back to school. Only five more months until summer vacation y’all.

Yes, my Tuesday Morning Press normally posts in the morning between when I drop off the boys at school and go to yoga; but I’ve been sick so I’ve been posting whenever I get the time … but they’re still on Tuesdays. But no yoga yet. Next week.

Along with me being sick, my middle, my mini me, Thing 2 celebrated his 12th birthday with a raging sinus infection as well. Poor guy, when he blew his nose, it sounded like a sound effect for a thunderstorm off in the distance or one that you’d hear out of an iPhone or something. He’s on the mend now, playing basketball outside with the neighbors as I type. It’s a beautiful 64˚ day here. I would be all over that except that it’s January. The last few birthdays of his we had snow, lots of it, so this mid-60s thing is throwing me off.

Screen Shot 2013-01-29 at 6.05.47 PM

It’s called an “iPod touch” … say it wrong and I’ll mock you. This pic is from the Apple site.

Speaking of iStuff, we got him an iPod touch for his birthday. It’s called an “iPod TOUCH” not an iTouch. or itouch, which just sounds freakin’ creepy when you think about it. Every time someone says, “itouch” I can’t help but follow up with “myself” either very quietly where only I can hear it or I cough it. Doesn’t everyone coughspeak to veil their derision? Oh. My mistake.

Last week, I wrote about Adam Levine hosting SNL and my devotion to him. I don’t recant my devotion, but I don’t think I’ll ever be getting excited for him to host again. I had my suspicions, I’ll admit. He seems rather one-dimensional and even though wildly talented and very attractive smokin’ hot in his videos, he’s not ready in the least for live broadcasts on television in a comedy setting. Give the man a mic, his band, smoke, pulsing lights and a stage and we’re good… just don’t give him a cue card or a script. It was baaaaad. I almost feel sorry for him, to have to rely on his sexuality only to garner favor or attention. (That was almost funny.) Look, I’m no hypocrite, but when Bruno Mars or Justin Timberlake or Taylor Swift hosted, it was brilliant; they have comedy chops and each of them took advantage of the ensemble aspect of the show. Not Adam… he was like a rock with a voice. Ok… not a rock… a cat who talks. He couldn’t deal. The bright spot of the show was the digital short which brilliantly spoofed and waxed ironic of the Generation OMG/meme’s “YOLO” battle cry. YOLO stands for “You Only Live Once” and the video was a cautionary tale / ironic spin on the idiocy of doing stupid stuff just because you’re young.  Adam’s singing on the video was excellent, no surprise there, and he was bolstered by “The Lonely Island” a comedy trio made up of  Akiva SchafferJorma Taccone and SNL alum Andy Samberg. Also in the video was Danny McBride, and Kendrick Lamar who was also the musical guest that night. The video is great — it mocks (for me) the most ridiculously stupid saying I’ve ever heard…


Here’s hoping YOLO is dead and buried.

Another FANTASTIC moment was the Firehouse Fundraiser skit… Bill Hader is a GENIUS…. partake:


And as you can see, Adam did nothing for the skit.

Enough about Adam. More about me. What am I reading these days? I’m so glad you asked! I am in the midst of reading Triburbia which is a series of character vignettes about New York City dads who meet every morning for coffee after taking their kids to school. I can’t do it justice, yet, because I’m still reading it, but eventually (and I’m seeing it now) the characters will be tied together. So far, the pieces are excellently written, showcasing the author’s deft ability to wear many hats and easily reflect ironic along with a host of other talents I can’t wait to explore. I am not from NYC, where the stories take place, but I’m savvy to the many personality / money types he’s installed in the book. So far, I’m staying up waaaay too late reading it. One of his current characters, Brooke, reminded me (and likely ONLY me) of a super-rich Esther Greenwood (from Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar). Perhaps one of the best parts of this book is that I’m re-learning words I used to know.

I also recently read a couple eBooks which I’d love to recommend but I won’t. I am not going to mention them because I don’t want to be That Person, and we are a small community but suffice it to say, that the technology that enables eBook writing doesn’t necessarily mean it should give persons license to actually do so. That’s a lot coming from me, one who wants to publish a book one day, but rather than be turned off by all the not-ready-for-consumption stuff out there, I’m going to be inspired and buoyed, by say, Triburbia, Life of Pi, and some Hemingway. I also downloaded Les Miserables, which I want to read next. See you in November… it’s only 1,000 pages.

Did you see my post last week about my favorite movie lines? I recalled mostly by memory but double checked for accuracy 35 lines from 35 films. These aren’t the famous lines… so see how accurate you can be.

I have been dealing with this trifection long enough. Yesterday, at the urging of friends and my own fear, I went to the local urgent care facility which I have to say reminds me a lot of a very nice prescription-writing office. I was afraid I had or was beginning to show signs of pneumonia, but I’m good — my “pulse oximeter” reading from a tiny device that clips to my index finger was 100, which the highest we can get. So that’s good. What wasn’t so great was the doctor’s readiness to write me a prescription for another antibiotic, Levaquin (which is the strongest there is apparently) because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t really sick. If my pulse ox is excellent and my ears and everything else look good but no fever is present… why give me the script? I dunno. She also gave me a script for an inhaler (THANK YOU SWEET MOTHER OF ABRAHAM LINCOLN), which has made all the difference. Despite my personal leanings for homeopathic and holistic meds, this inhaler… it’s like plugging in a refrigerator versus using an old-fashioned ice box.

I can’t believe I almost stole these by accident.

So when we were at Target the other day getting Thing 2’s antibiotics, I almost shoplifted by accident. I have been so tired from all the blahs and the kids being home and reading too late and writing (it’s all good stuff I’m doing but I’m in denial that actual life happens around here) we were told that we had to come back for his stuff because his pediatrician didn’t fill in the proper amount to dose him appropriately. So I almost walked out with a pair of reading glasses. Not even totally necessary ones… +1s. Why couldn’t it have been something more scandalous, like some Dexatrim (do they still make that?) or a bottle box of wine or a copy of “Playgirl”? Reading glasses? REALLY? That was a personal low point. I can’t even accidentally shoplift well.

Have you been following my Friday Fiction at all? Don’t worry, my husband doesn’t. I got the LOWEST hits ever last Friday. If you hate it, please tell me. I can go back to being irreverent or post recipes and all that; truth of the matter, I’ve been ill and exhausted (that’s fancy talk for sick and tired) and if it weren’t for the fiction, I’d likely not be posting much at all. If you’ve been reading, thank you! If not… check out what the what’s going on… Garret is like, totally screwed up. When I first wrote that post I HATED IT WITH EVERY FIBER IN MY BEING. I thought, “how can I write such shit CRAP?” but I’m actually warming up to it now. For February (yes, I’m staying at it, so deal), we are writing our fiction with romance in mind… or love … what we kill do for love or what we don’t do for love. So this Friday, as in all Fridays so far this year, I’m letting these stories tell me how they wish to be told. I’m not in charge of this track… I’m just throwing coals in the engine. This train goes all by itself. Do you thknk I

But I plan to be back at it this week, swinging at flies and being irreverent and mindful and honest as usual. Be forewarned… I’m on an inhaler now.

Thank you.

8 responses »

  1. Hope you guys are all feeling better soon. It’s gone on a long time!

    I thought Kendrick Lamar was really good, how about you? Adam not so much like you said. On that note I did buy maroon 5 tickets today 🙂

    My fiction posts have earned me record numbers on my blog visitors. Perhaps people like my fiction more than non-fiction? Or the group is driving more traffic to me?

    • I forgot to mention Bill Hader and his genius at the firehouse. It was unparalleled. Kendrick was good, he’s solid. He was excellent in YOLO too… makes me wonder what besides ab work and singing my beloved is good at. I do have a wonderful image of Adam in a toque and apron cooking the Cornish hen with a flame torch though. So glad you’re going to the show! I’m jealous of course.

      We would be feeling better but Dono barfed last night and Con likely has strep.

      I’m glad your blog is having increased visitors. I don’t know what to say about the stats but I enjoy writing the fiction. It’s fun for me, and as you and we’ve al, said, that’s what it’s all about.

  2. Totally agree on Adam on SNL. Even Jerry Seinfeld couldn’t save that intro. Oy. I also read your movie lines post – color me impressed. I forget movie quotes within 5 minutes of seeing a film. Hope you are feeling better soon!

    • Bananawheels! holla! thank you for swinging by! yes, SNL was a bitter disappointment. Good point about Seinfeld. You know when they have to call in the heavy hitters (and what the what was Cameron Diaz doing there other than to allude to herself in a 10-year-old film…. random) it’s not a good sign. It made no sense… Did you notice at the end when Adam was signing off that Jerry said, “now don’t screw this up”? I think he was kidding…. But you never know with that one.

      We are on the mend. I am at least. Now my other son likely has strep. Yay!

      Stay away from us. We are sickies this year. 🙂


  3. Adam doesn’t have to act well, right? He sings and has tattoos. When is enough enough? 🙂 I think you needed the eyeglasses to read the Play Girl…you know, for the articles.

Whatcha Think, Smahtypants?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s